I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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