When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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