She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
