I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
this beer tastes like vomit already
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
