on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
