somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
