It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
