your parents love me but you hate me
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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