Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
