I got chris browned last night
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
