The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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