I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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