Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
