Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
