How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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