just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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