We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
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Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
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Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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