I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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