I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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