My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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