I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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