ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
