I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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