didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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