drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
