was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
