She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I have aggressive nipples.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
