Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just cropdusted the office
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
