I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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