Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
