i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
