3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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