So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
