it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
In America we eat man semen.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My ATM looks so different sober.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
