i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
