You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
