If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
