I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
