6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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