Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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