sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
