Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
