I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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