No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
