I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
