Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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