"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
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