I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
