How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
