the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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