I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
