I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
