Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
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The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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