five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
jump out the window naked night went bad
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