i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
