3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
