i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
