The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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