Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize