Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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