If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i will never coherently bang her
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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