Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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