Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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