I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
