I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
