Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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