That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
