I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
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Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
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I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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