The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
