It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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