Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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