Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
