Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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