Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Someone came in the potted fern
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
