I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
