I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
