Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I supernannyed him into submission
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
