Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
