when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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