Having a random hookup so left but love u
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
